Sometimes people say to me. ‘Why should I forgive? They deserve to have me angry at them!’ Well, your anger hurts you far more than it hurts those with whom you are angry. Remember the Chinese proverb from the beginning of this Chapter: The man who opts for revenge should dig two graves. Forgiveness allows you to unhook from the negativity you carry with you about an event in the past. Forgiveness gets rid of the negative emotional charge you are carrying.
It’s important to understand what forgiveness is not. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation between the two parties. The other person does not have to forgive you. The other person does not have to agree to be forgiven and does not even need to know about your forgiving them. Forgiveness is not an obligation that you fulfill. Forgiveness is not something you believe you should do. Forgiveness is not something you say. Forgiveness is not something you think. Remember, alpha isn’t what you think.
Forgiveness is done from the heart of the forgiver to release the event’s negative charge in question. Forgiveness then allows the forgiver to release the toxic emotions created and sustained by holding on to that negative emotion. Forgiveness is also not pardoning the other person for what they did. Sometimes Spanish speaking people balk at the first suggestion of forgiveness because the word ‘forgiveness’ in Spanish is often translated as ‘personal’ ‘pardon,’ which means pardoning, which they may not wish to do. And it may not be wise to pardon the offending party, even though it is always wise to forgive them. Pardoning releases the injuring person from the consequences of his or her injurious actions.
You can forgive someone in your heart and at the same time pursue justice, even prosecuting a lawsuit against them, so that the person still experiences, in an appropriate way, the consequences of their wrong action. But you pursue this justice without malice and anger, and you do it to support and sustain that which is good and fair and true and beautiful. Forgiveness is not condoning, for it does not excuse harmful behavior. It just deals with it, dispassionately. Forgiveness is not forgetting, but the forgetting happens in a natural, peaceful, and healing way when you have truly forgiven. That way, you can truly be at peace after having done effective forgiveness. Both your heart and your mind will be untroubled by the person or the event that you have now forgiven.
Once a person has identified, with the help of the computerized Mood Scales and the gentle guidance of their Biocybernaut trainer, those incidents and those people that require forgiveness, the process can be done in a variety of ways that include many of the following elements:
Once you have run this scenario for several days in the alpha chamber and have been successful in experiencing effective forgiveness, there are other deeper levels to which you can take the forgiveness. In the process, your spiritual growth will accelerate, and you will experience deeper levels of love and compassion; you will come to know God’s love more deeply, and you will come to express and to exemplify God’s love here on Earth.
The next deeper level of forgiveness involves creating a courtroom setting in your mind. You impanel a group of judges before whom you will prosecute your case against the aggrieving party. And before this panel of judges, you will act out your forgiveness. On the panel of judges, you might place Jesus, Moses, Buddha, Mohammed, Confucius, Lao Tsu, Quan Yin, Mother Theresa, Solomon, anyone you wish. Then you bring up the accused, your tormenter, your enemy, the person who harmed you. You then slowly and carefully read the list of charges, the grievances you have against this person. You omit nothing. All the charges are read before the judges. And then you forgive this person under the penetrating and watchful eyes of your panel of high beings, your judges. And you do this forgiveness with the intent to so thoroughly forgive this person that none of these high beings will be able to find within you even a trace of anything that was not forgiven.
Once you have done this so, you are then ready for the next step. In this step, you ask each of the impaneled judges to forgive this person fully. Here is where you might find some resistance within you to the forgiveness process. It would be almost like the hypocritical Christian who might say, ‘Oh yes, I forgive you, but Jesus will get you in the end, haha.’ So by asking each of your high beings to forgive this person, you are surrendering any judgment against this person that could be held by anyone anywhere. You are asking God and the forces of the universe to forgive this person. When you have mastered this, you will be well along your path of effective forgiveness.
7.4.1 Create a Loving Space in Your Heart
In my experience, the forgiveness process only works when alpha is high, which is why the Biocybernaut Process is so effective in nurturing forgiveness. As mention earlier, in the Gallup Poll on forgiveness, people reported that meditative prayer was the only effective method of forgiveness among the items in the survey. Meditation done correctly is a high alpha state. It is also important to create a loving space in your heart. You can do this is by thinking of something you have loving feelings about. This might be a pet, a child, or even yourself as a child.
7.4.2 Bring to Mind the Person and Situation
Once you have your heart open, you bring to mind the incident or situation where someone hurt you-physically or verbally-as an adult or a child. Childhood memories are the most useful in the beginning because that’s where most of the pain starts. When you speak to yourself about these issues, always do it with a kind, loving, and gentle heart. Think about the person who hurt you in whatever way they did, physically or emotionally, and starts by entering the open heart space. Then bring up the memory of the person you want to forgive and of what happened to you; something visual, a feeling, or the sound of their voice. Relive the memory by feeling how you felt then, bringing up as much as you can in a way that is not too overwhelming for you.
7.4.3 Read the Charges
Be specific about what was done to you and how it hurt you, physically or emotionally. Feel the emotions that you felt at the time of the incident. People sometimes find it useful to create a courtroom scene in their mind’s eye where the defendant is on trial, and they are the prosecutor. In your mind, tell the person how you felt. For example, ‘You really hurt me when you said I was stupid. You made me feel bad about myself; the things you said to me really upset me, and I’ve carried the memory of what you said and did for a long time in my life.’ Go into as much detail as possible about the incident so you can fully address it. It’s best to do it with your eyes closed, as you are in the alpha chamber. Some people try to visualize the person sitting in a chair in front of them or standing in front of them.
In reliving the event and conversing in your mind with the offender about what happened, sometimes you will hear them saying something back, like ‘I didn’t realize I did that to you,’ or ‘I’m really sorry that I hurt you.’ One alpha trainee who had multiple issues with his mother thought he was finished reading the charges when unexpectedly his mother showed up in his mind’s eye with a list of her own-she didn’t want him to forget certain incidents where she had done or said things that had hurt him! He was astonished and overwhelmed with gratitude that his inner mother would remind him of the bad things she had done to him to help him be more thorough in his forgiveness process. Sometimes you will get a direct response like this, and sometimes you won’t. You have to go with whatever is going on in your head, be it a feeling, a thought, a visual image, or a sound.
Here’s an example from a trainee:
‘When I was in grade school, I had a third-grade teacher who was really mean. She was always in a bad mood, and she would not tolerate any spontaneity or boisterous activity from the class. Being a precocious, active, imaginative child, I was her worst nightmare. I could not recall exactly what she did, but something greatly affected me because I started making myself sick (faking a fever, calling up a deep, hacking bronchial cough) to stay home from school. During my third grade year, I missed at least of third of school.’
‘Even though I could not recall a specific incident, I assume she shamed me in front of the class for something I did or said.
During the Alpha One feedback training, she was one of my primary forgiveness targets. At first, I just forgave her generically, but I realized that she needed more attention the next day or so. So I created a long list of charges, marched her to the front of the class, read them to her one by one, and made her bend over so the entire class could spank her with balloons. Then we all went outside for perpetual recess!’
7.4.4 Forgive the Other Person-and Yourself
Once you have released your anger and hurt, and you feel compassion in your heart for the other person, forgive them from the heart. A lot of people say they don’t know how to really forgive and mean it. It’s easy enough to say the words, but really hard to feel them. I suggest you keep your hand on your heart and say the words ‘I forgive you’ over and over until you really feel it in your heart. It often helps to have some token of forgiveness, like a flame from your heart, a rose, or other token representing your forgiveness to offer to the other person in your mind’s eye. Say the words to yourself with your hand on your heart until you feel it, and you’ll know you feel it if you start to get teary-eyed or you feel shifts in your body. You may even feel an ache in your heart. Don’t worry; it’s not your heartbreaking! It’s your heart filling with love and expanding.
It’s even more crucial that you use this technique when working on self-forgiveness. You are your own harshest critic. It’s important to be especially kind and loving to yourself because that will allow you to let go of the pain and the hurt. It’s often hard to forgive yourself for believing what that person said to you, or believing you did something wrong that caused it to happen, or believing that you are not loved or are not the perfect human being that you are. Acknowledge what beliefs you adopted about yourself and the world because of the incident and forgive yourself for believing that which was untrue. Also, forgive yourself for any role you may have had in the incident, especially if you blamed yourself for the event.
Here’s an example from a trainee who adopted certain beliefs because of something that happened even before birth:
‘When I was in the womb, my father left Cleveland, Ohio, for work in California at six months gestation. I was born into the chaos of my mother and grandmother readying us to move out there to join him. Furthermore, in the 40s among German Jewish families, it was generally accepted that babies should cry until they quieted themselves, and it wasn’t that common to be picked up, cuddled, and held. I realized that I concluded that I was an unwelcome nuisance and that my father did not care enough about me to be there for my birth. After forgiving my parents for doing the best they could, I forgave myself for adopting these untrue beliefs.’
And another trainee acknowledged the role she played in the incident: ‘I had a major forgiveness target which involved the loss of my entire life savings. A man represented himself as something other than he was, and the investment as something other than it was essentially stealing my savings. I had to own my role in the incident because I did not do ’due diligence’ and check into his credentials, background, and research the investment. I forgave him for misleading me, and forgave myself for my role in making the decision that caused me to lose my money.’
7.4.5 See it With Their Eyes
If at all possible, put yourself in their shoes and see the incident from their perspective. Acknowledge that they were doing the best they could given their circumstances. Realize that the person did the best they could at the time with what they knew in most cases. Each individual has their own conditioning and life experiences that determine how they act. We don’t know the details of what made them the way they are. We must look at that person through loving, compassionate eyes.
When it comes to self-forgiveness, you have to be even more gentle and loving by acknowledging that you did the best you could at the time. You may have been only a child, probably didn’t know any better, or behaved in the way you had been taught to behave. Your reaction was the only one you knew, the only way you knew how to behave. And that’s OK because it is part of the perfect being that you are.
Here’s an example from a trainee: ‘It had always haunted me that my sister, who was born 18 months before me, was born deaf and blind and with a heart defect that, in 1951, was not something that was generally repaired. The baby was put into an incubator and not treated. Though it was fed, it was not touched or cared for and was basically left to die. It always hurt my heart that my mother could not see her and that no one even touched her, loved her, or acknowledged her existence. I used that as a forgiveness target during the Biocybernaut Process. I had to put myself in the nurses’ shoes, the doctor, the hospital administrator, and my parents, and forgive them for doing what society and medicine dictated-forgive them for believing that a deformed newborn baby had no awareness or feelings. I had to put myself in their shoes and realize that they were all doing the best they could under the circumstances.’
7.4.6 Rescript the Event
Tell the offender how you would have liked the incident to have happened and imagine it happening that way. If this is done in a high alpha state of mind, new neural connections are created that resonate with the emotions characterized by the alpha frequency instead of the less desirable states of anxiety, fear, or anger surrounding the event you are forgiving.
The following story from one of our trainees illustrates much of the forgiveness process. ‘When I was a little girl about six years old, one Sunday afternoon, my mother and father and I were going to some social event. I had gotten dressed up in a cute, frilly pink dress, white socks, and Maryjane shoes. I thought I looked perfect and adorable! As I came happily bouncing down the stairs, my mother was waiting at the bottom. She grabbed my arm, jerked me down the last two stairs, shook me violently, and yelled,’ A young lady always wears a slip when she goes out! If you want to dress like a whore, we’ll drop you off on Bourbon street and leave you there so you can hang out with all the other hookers.’ Then she spanked me real hard and harshly told me to go back upstairs and put on a slip.’
‘Needless to say, her reaction put me in shock. I was in such a happy mood, thinking I looked great, and when she said that to me, I really felt bad about myself. Until later in life, I didn’t realize when I started to do forgiveness work what an impact that had on me. It affected even the way I would dress; I became a very conservative dresser as I got older and was uncomfortable wearing anything cute, sexy, or any clothes that made me feel good about myself. It always felt wrong if my clothes were attractive, and I felt like a bad person when I dressed that way.’
‘So I did the forgiveness process while in a high alpha state on the incident. I recalled how I felt, how my mother scared me, and made me conclude that there was something terribly wrong with me. I said some of the things were; ’I forgive myself for judging myself as being wrong or bad for not wearing a slip. I forgive myself for judging myself as being a whore. I forgive myself for believing that I was a bad girl because I forgot to put on a slip. I forgive myself for judging my mother as a mean, cruel, angry tyrant, and afraid of her. I forgive my mother for treating me like dirt, for spanking me so hard, for jerking my arm and mistreating me. I forgive myself for believing that she didn’t love me.’ That last one was a revelation as I realized that part of this incident’s pain was I had concluded that my mother didn’t love me. For the truth is, she loved me very much; she just wasn’t able to act lovingly at that time.’
‘After I did the forgiveness process, I rescripted the scene to make it more loving and accepting of me as a six-year-old girl who was actually quite adorable and innocent. I say myself coming down the stairs in the same little pink dress, the same way as I was before, with no slip-on. I was feeling happy, skipping down the stairs again. This time, I envisioned my Mom watching me come down the stairs with a big smile on her face. She took my hand as I came down the last few steps, then took my other hand, smiling. She twirled me around as she said, ’You look so beautiful, you look like a little princess!’
This alpha trainee then added something to the mind scene that had not actually happened. She had an MS in psychology and knew that it’s important to add details that support a happier memory as it gives one a new frame of reference and takes the heavy charge off the old memory.
She continued, ‘I had my mother pick me up in her arms and give me three kisses. She said. ’That’s for the beautiful little girl on the outside.’ Then she gave me three more kisses and said, ’That’s for the beautiful little girl on the inside.’ Then she hugged me tightly and said, ’Honey, I love you so much!’ She put me down, told me to go outside where my dad was waiting for us in the car.’
She added more detail to the rescripting by seeing herself go out of the house, skipping down the sidewalk towards the car where her daddy was sitting in the driver’s seat, smiling. ‘I got into the back seat, and my Dad told me how beautiful I was. Then Mom got into the car and said, ’Don’t you think our daughter looks beautiful today?’ Then we drove off to the party.’
7.4.7 Forgiveness Can Have Awesome Results
Think of your body as an air filter that needs to be cleaned to work efficiently periodically. Lifeforce (air) needs to flow freely. Whenever we judge, make someone wrong, blame, project, repress anger, hold on to resentment or berate ourselves and others for something not done ‘right,’ we create blocks in our air filter. Forgiveness cleans out the filter. And it can have awesome results. The following experience is from a person who later became a Biocybernaut trainer. At the time of this person’s alpha training, they had just completed a Masters Degree in counseling that had included a great deal of personal forgiveness work. In this person’s own words, the story is told:
‘I intended to continue to do deep emotional clearing work, which would give me more clarity of focus, and to increase my creativity, as well as to continue to heal emotional wounds from my past.’
‘I thought I had worked through a lot of my ’stuff’ in my two years of grad school. During the various training, I realized there were many more layers to attack deep down inside. I found myself going to places I never thought I would go, nor was I aware of the depth of my past’s negative influences and how strongly they had influenced me as a person. I now understand what has kept me from fulfilling my dreams.’
‘Alpha training was not easy. It’s difficult to work on deep heartfelt issues. You have to be willing to go there. It takes a certain level of courage to look deeply at our life. Throughout the training, Dr. Hardt was lovingly aggressive at pushing me to look deeper and further the work involved. He was also very encouraging, supportive, and nonjudgmental towards whatever came up. I felt safe to be completely honest with not only what I had experienced but what I have done as well. The technicians and other staff people are very gentle and supportive as well.’
‘Don’t be afraid to go deep. This is truly a rare opportunity to go very deep in releasing negative influences from your life. It’s a very safe, confidential, and supportive environment. The results are so worth it. What you get in return for all your hard, courageous work is a mental and emotional state that is very freeing, happy, and peaceful. For me, it was about finally being able to get rid of a lot of my ’mind chatter.’ It gets you more into your heart but makes you a much more confident and happy person. Life begins to turn in your favor when you are willing to leap of faith to make your life better for yourself.’
‘I highly recommend Biocybernaut to anyone. I think all people, no matter what level you are at in your personal growth, can benefit from the alpha training. It’s such a personalized program that you get out of it what you are willing to put into it ’energy-wise.’ The results are ’life-enhancing.’ It changes you definitely for the better!’