Spiritual Experiences: Pregnant Girl
James V. Hardt, Ph.D.
Pregnant 15 Year Old Girl
This trainee was a pregnant teenager who had left the
church and was at odds with her family. She and her family were battling over
her plans to drop out of school and to marry the father of the unborn child in
spite of his ongoing relationships with more than a dozen other girls. She
also was very fearful of dying while traveling by car, having been a passenger
in a girlfriend's car when the car narrowly missed a head-on collision while
passing another car at night in the fog.
Day 1. She described her session: "I'd been
having lots of problems with my Mom, so it was great to see that I got 4 Greens
[new high scores for the day] when experiencing going to the park with my Mom
and my two little brothers. Then I got 3 Greens thinking how cool it was to
control music directly with your head. I felt enjoyment, eagerness, and
anticipation and I thought of a career as a famous theatre performer and I got
all new highs on the right side of my head. I felt like a famous performer
being able to control music directly with my head. Good thoughts gave the
prettiest music. I was happy."
"Then I got Greens thinking of my whole family, my
aunt, my uncles, my grandpa, my Mom and Dad. My two little brothers always
make me happy. I was getting high scores just swinging with them, just being
with them. The music [feedback tones] was so loud when I was happy. It was
just there. I could put it all together and make it sound really pretty."
Day 2. In her words: "This was not a very good day.
I was angry because my Mom wanted me to use my alpha training to break up with
my boyfriend. She thinks he's so stupid. She's always telling me what to do,
but she doesn't know him. He's really been there for me. I got angry at my
Mom and Dad because they don't understand and they are always trying to tell me
what to do. This is my training and my life and I should be able to think
about what I want."
After this brief report, she would not say much more about
her experiences of that day.
Day 3. She was excited to report: "I had 4 Greens
[new highs for the day] from "Nothingness." I was hearing the tones,
but I just did not let anything come into my head. It was almost like asleep;
except for ... I was awake."
There were other comments about her experience, and we
talked about the experience of "nothingness" in meditation, which
fascinated her. Then we started looking through the polygraph record, paging
through more than 100 pages of brain wave tracings. At one point there was a
particularly big burst of alpha on both occipitals and I commented about how
lovely they were. She stared at these big bursts, and it looked like her mind
had slipped out of gear for a moment. Then she pressed her hands to her mouth
and began exclaiming, "Oh my God! Oh my God!" I knew she was having
a powerful experience and waited some moments to ask her what was happening.
She began all in a rush to tell me. She said that she had had a really
powerful experience during the session seeing a most beautiful angel and that
she had forgotten about it until she saw those big alpha bursts, and then the
whole experience came tumbling back in on her. It unfolded as follows, in her
own words:
" Later in the session I was just sitting there and suddenly
a guy about my age was there and he started bleeding. His mouth was bleeding.
I got really scared.
Then an old guy appeared and said, "It's up to
you." Then the old guy disappeared, except he was just a face in the
bright light.
Then first I saw a pool of blood. Then a guy with dark
brown hair, it was short and it was fixed nicely. He was tanned about 15-16
years old and a little taller than me. He was on a playground like a park. He
had blood all over his mouth area. I thought he fell. I was scared. The next
thing I knew, the guy was lying on the ground on his back and he was not
breathing.
This old guy appeared again all wrinkly and gray haired.
He had a full head of hair. He had a beard and moustache. He was lip talking,
saying, "It's up to you." Then the old guy disappeared. Then a
bright light appeared. In it was a woman's face. She was just so pretty. She
was wearing white and I could see she was walking toward me and the kid on the
ground. Then I looked at the kid and all I saw was blood. I never saw this
kid before in my life. I don't know why I saw him. When I saw the little boy
I knew him. I didn't know, I don't remember knowing him in real life. My body
was all jittery. I thought the lady was too pretty to be real. I thought
she's going to help the kid, but she'd get blood all over her white dress. I
saw the kid and the blood and my alpha dropped. Then I saw the old man again
and got scared and my alpha dropped even further. Then I saw the pretty lady
in the light and my alpha went up a little, and I looked directly at her and my
alpha went way up. She was in her 20's. She had blond really curly hair, long
hair. She was so pretty. She was the prettiest woman I have ever seen.
People in the park or playground were looking over and not
noticing us or the boy on the ground. We were, to them, not even there.
The little boy reminded me of my Dad. His hair was fixed
the same way, and he was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt and brown shoes. It
was like I was seeing my Dad as a little kid. This was very real.
When asked to quantify how real our conversation was at the
moment, she said we were presently an 8 on a scale of 0-10. But the scene she
was describing was more real, a 9.5-10 because of the intensity of the fear and
anxiety and the beauty of the lady in white.
The old guy, who scared me, had an old baggy outfit,
somewhere between thin and bulky. He was big boned. When I saw him my alpha
dropped a lot. I got scared. Then he totally vanished. Then a very bright
light appeared to my left and slightly higher than me. It was a perfect
circle. It gave off white light. It was so pretty. It had streamers coming
off it, streamers of light that were white with yellow around them. The lady
appeared first with her face right in the middle of the white light. She was
dressed totally in white. She smiled at me and my alpha went way up. It was
like I was reading her mind, while I was thinking, Gosh, I wish I could be that
pretty. I was in awe.
The old man's voice kept coming into my head saying,
"It's up to you. Now go my child; you know what to do."
The boy had been standing up when I first saw him. In the
next second he was lying down on the pavement ... a park or school playground
with so many little kids everywhere. There was a mother there who'd lost her
little boy. She was screaming its name. I couldn't hear her and she didn't
see me.
The angel's voice was so soft and sweet. But I did not
want to hear it. It forced its way into my head. It wasn't really a voice.
It was more like she was talking directly into my mind, kind of like telepathy.
The feeling of her voice was so soft and sweet and loving. She thought into my
head, "You know what to do my child. Now go do it."
I was so afraid of the blood. I wanted to save the boy so
badly. The angel's voice was filling my head reassuring me. So I resolved to
do whatever I had to do and I turned to help the boy and suddenly the whole
scene disappeared. I realized I'd already done everything I needed to do to
help. I had made the decision to ignore my fear and just go help him. The
angel was so very beautiful."
Day 4. She began to describe her experiences: "Early
in the session, I got Greens, then my scores settled down to blues until I
started thinking about going home. I got 5 Greens when I thought about what I
was going to do when I got home. I got excited about going home. I want to
see friends and my little brothers. But I don't want to deal with MOM."
Then she launched into a major discussion about her Mom and
her boyfriend, the father of her unborn child.
She said when she thought about getting married to someone
[not her boyfriend] she got 1,300's [feedback scores], and she saw everybody
accepting it. When she thought about getting married to her boyfriend, her
alpha was not as high, and she saw the family unhappy. She got really high
alpha thinking about her two baby brothers. She got somewhat high alpha
thinking about her Dad, and somewhat high alpha thinking about past times with
her Mom, but low alpha thinking about her Mom in the present in their state of
conflict over the boyfriend and her plans to drop out of school to marry the
boyfriend. She said of her Mom, "I care about her, but I hate the things
she does." Adding, "I can't tell Mom the truth, and I can't tell my
aunt because she talks to Mom."
Then she began to reflect and added, "They want me to
be happy in their thoughts." She also confided that, "I rebelled way
more than I should have." She accepted coaching in forgiveness and agreed
to try forgiving her parents and herself in the next day's session.
Day 5. Her descriptions of her experiences just flowed out
of her: "I did all the forgiveness work today. I felt so full of energy.
As my alpha climbed, I found myself on top of a hill with flowers all around.
I felt like I could fly."
"When I started the forgiveness work I thought of my
Mom and Dad and how they screwed up and how I screwed up. And then I thought
everybody deserves a second chance. So I started with my Mom and forgave her
and my alpha went up, and then went back and forgave other people, and my alpha
went up. And then I forgave myself for everything I've done and haven't
done, and my alpha went up. After that I felt so free. I thought, now I can
fly. I felt so light and happy in the chamber, I just wanted to go running.
And I learned how to control my temper today. I was in the booth wanting
forgiveness, and I got all 6 Greens!"
"I thought of the baby in me and realized that you
can't be a good role model for your own daughter when you hate your mother.
And my Mom didn't do anything to me; and she just wants the best for me. I
hope she can understand my feelings toward my boyfriend."
Day 6. In her words: "I was tired today because I
stayed up late last night talking with Mom on the phone. We discussed our
control issues. Mom now agrees with my new plans. There was a real healing
between me and my Mom. We were on the phone until midnight. In the beginning
of the session I did forgiveness work with Mom and that gave me high scores and
4 Greens! It was a challenge to stay awake because I was so tired."
"I am afraid of dying, and today I went into my fear
of dying in the chamber. I did a worst case scenario and originally thought
I'm not unattached to the idea of dying. But then I thought, if I did die I
could be an angel and go into people's minds and make them feel good, like
happened to me."
"Before this I never really believed in God. I had
questions and I doubted. After I saw the angel, I knew she was an angel and
she talked to me inside my mind and I now believe in God."
"Also I remember when I did the forgiveness work
yesterday I was so happy and I totally forgot the anger I was feeling toward my
parents, especially my Mom. Now I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not angry,
and I believe in God."
The 15 year old girl reconciled with her family and
returned to the church, this time with a real belief in God grounded in her
personal experience with an angel. She also realized that the child's father
was not a suitable husband for her, to her family's great relief, and she
allowed her mother to care for the baby after it was born so she could continue
her education. She also transcended her fear of dying during car travel and
knew that there was a life for her after death.
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